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A Royal Promise

May 20, 2011

“We must not promise what we ought not, lest we be called on to perform what we cannot.” – Abraham Lincoln

This quote is very much true. Many businessmen make promises such as “high quality, low price,” or “free repairs,” or anything else they can come up with. However, these policies they have hidden away in these folded sheets of paper in the back of the box state some restrictions or exceptions in small print. It gets tiring, especially since that the consumers have no choice but to buy the product, because it’s probably the best one can buy.

For example, the iPod; it has a large amount of support from different operating systems, and the iTunes Store contains millions upon millions of songs, movies, and TV shows. However, my iPod Nano has some glitches, namely errors that leave me wondering, “Professionals make these kind of programming errors?” How hard is it to set up an if-else statement to make sure a vector or an array doesn’t leave the allocated space? Not very, and this is coming from a three-year, high school programmer.

And iTunes makes turtles seem like race cars, since it takes too long for it to load, and then it freezes up for a few seconds if my Nano is connected to my computer, rendering it useless until it can respond again. How much memory does a media player need? Windows Media Player runs faster than iTunes, and that program has the same features, if not less. And Finale, a product by MakeMusic, isn’t all that great, either. It takes forever to convert an MUS file into an MP3 or WAV file compared to third-party software. Furthermore, the soundfont engine it uses, for some reason, interprets the samples differently than other software. Ironically enough, Finale is the top music notation software in the market; it’s used in Hollywood films, TV shows, classical music halls, churches, video games, and so on.

At Magister Tech, I won’t allow that. Any software and hardware that is built at the company will follow standards set by the ISO, and will be able to run on Windows, Mac, and Linux operating systems using the correct GUI than simply porting over the code using a library (that’s right, WINE, we’re not going to use you) or emulator. And our programs and devices will not have glitches; I’ll make sure they are bug-tested before they are released and sold. If there is a glitch, a free firmware update should fix that. Just hook up your device to a computer, run the Magister updater, and let it download and install itself.

And instead of releasing the same program every year, you can pay for specific features as opposed to buying ones you will never even use (who actually listens to the radio on their iPod?). That doesn’t mean I’ll rip you off and say, “In order to buy this feature, you’ll need to buy this feature! HERPADERP!” No. You decide the features that you want to buy and use. And I’ll offer trials for said software and additions, so you can decide whether or not this feature is for you. These demonstrations can either be time-limited or feature-limited by your decision. And of course, we’ll offer free features when it applies.

But what’s a program or a device when you can’t customize it? A useless piece of crap. Let’s say you have one of our MP3 players. Don’t like the OS? No problem, just install a new one (or send us an e-mail to tell us what you don’t like about it). A free feature will be included that will allow programmers to program and install their own operating system of their choice. Clearly, it’ll be a free OS, like Linux, but Microsoft and Apple are welcome to sell operating systems for any of our devices, though a small fee will be enforced; we have to have some way to pay for all this stuff. You can use any OS for your computer, so why can’t you use any OS for your MP3 player?

Now, how are we going to pay for all this? That’s our problem, not yours. All I ask is to give us a chance. Yeah, the company doesn’t exist just yet, but look for us at your local Best Buy or Wal-Mart. But if you’re interested in knowing how, here it is: honesty. To be honest (hahah), I don’t like it when I get ripped off by some corporate giant. Either I deal with it or move on, right? Wrong. If you don’t like something about us, tell us now. I can’t promise a bunch of free stuff (we need to pay our employees), but I can promise a bunch of fair prices. You won’t have to spend $30 for software that’s worth half-a-dollar. Seriously, it’s stupid.

Also, a cookie for the first person to get the title’s joke.

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